My eyes do not deceive you, er, me I mean. Well they don't deceive you either, they making a live action DOA movie. And holy flying dragon kick does it look awful!If you are one of the few gamers out there who is not familiar with the DOA series allow me to break it down for you. DOA is a fighting game that prominently features well endowed scantly clad female characters. There are male characters in the game but believe me when I say, you will hardly notice them. While the fighting mechanics of the game are very solid [not Virtua Fighter good though] if you are into fighters, DOA doesn't suck. Just be prepared for girls in cat-girl outfits and more cleavage than you can shake yer stick at. Did I mention that if you up your age in the settings odd physics get applied to the ladies jubbly wobblies? Moving on.
I enjoy playing DOA. If I ignore the boob and ultimately fan-service designed female costumes it's a fun fighter; kicking ass with my ninja chick is the bomb. :) But DOA never struck me a fodder for a movie...let alone a live action one. Over the years the "plot" if you want to call it that, has been very loosely wrapped around "project Epsilon" and the game characters of Helena and Ein. The first couple of games had to do with Ein figuring out who or what he was. When that panned out, the plot then went to Kasumi [one of the female ninjas in the game] becoming the focus of project Epsilon. All that I can gather is that the project had something to do with building an invulnerable invincible warrior.
How on earth Kasumi being on the run from her ninja clan, the opera start Helena somehow being in control of the company running project Epsilon, and Zack a black man with a green mini-mohawk [and passion for dressing up as a silver teletubbie] somehow came across as the perfect cast for a movie is totally beyond my whacked out imagination. If anything I could understand an anime movie of the series since there are a bunch of ninjas in the game and the Street Figther franchise did one...but they also were responsible for that awful Street Fighter live action movie with Jean Claude van Dame as Guile. So I guess I can't use it as a good example of what to do. 
My point is, there was no real tangible storyline behind the DOA games to start. Tecmo did a beach volley ball version of the game that just had the girls in bikini's posing for you, and are getting ready to release the second DOA beach themed game shortly. I guess this game being optioned for a movie just proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that sex does indeed sell as the movie [from what I've seen of the trailer] struggles to find a reason for the female characters to interact with each other. While there are no weapons in the DOA franchise [and never have been] all the girls tote katanas in the movie posters, and in the first fight that you see in the trailer. This provides "WTF?!" moment number 1, followed by Christie being given the title of "Master Thief." Anyone that has played the game will be quick that senorita pokes a lot is an assassin, cold, and bad assed. Not a perky looking thief. And not for nothing, but to make a live action movie based on a game whose claim to fame is it's busty lusty lady fighters but cast members of the itty-bitty-titty-committee sure makes less than no sense to me. Yes I'm female, I'm not gay, and I said casting the titty-less crew was a mistake. 
Don't get me wrong, I love Jaime Pressly [she plays Tina], but the character of Tina has always been depicted as a big bodied gal with the bodacious ta-tas. Jaime if you see this, girl I loves you like a fat kid loves cake, but you ain't no Tina. You are funny as shit on My Name Is Earl though. Keep that up girl, and stay away from projects like this. If you want to get into action films, try to get in on that next X-Men movie that is rumored to be on the table is possibly maybe happening. Shoot for the leader of the Morlocks position. But back to the topic at hand.You don't have to believe me when I say that this thing is going to blow. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so watch the video below now. Just be warned, the audio is dubbed in German and it's in flash format. It ain't my fault.
Is that a shuriken in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
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