Have you even fallen in love with a game system? It starts with a torrid love affair. You play a game or two on a friends system engaging in innocent buddy-time fun. Then, over a short period of time you find yourself bad mouthing your friend, even chastising them for not spending more time with the system or treating it better like you know you would if the system were yours. Maybe you even coyly drop hints to your friend that you would take the system off his hands for some money if he's thinking about getting a new one. Your friend looks at you like you have two heads, and tells you off the cuff to get your own damn system if you like it so much.
That's it. Having a mistress at your beck and call as opposed to one you have to share is better than having no mistress at all... so you pedal your ass over to the nearest Worst Buy and whip it out [your credit card, of course] faster than Barry Allen jumps into his snazzy red suit and head home to entangle yourself in the arms of your new mistress for hours on end. You turn her on and get her started... hitting all her buttons kinda clumsily at first, but eventually you know just what buttons to hit and at just the right times to tap them. Indeed, you have found pure bliss and all is right with the world.
Or at least it was until the night my XB360 FRAGED me. And that bitch fragged me hard... sans lube!
I was fixin' to put a hurtin' on Guitar Hero 2 as I had been doing for a few weeks now when all of a sudden my screen froze. Then the light show started... flashes of red and green appeared before my eyes bringing with them the end of my torrid affair with the Xbox 360. I tried every step imaginable to fix my system. I attempted all of the troubleshooting steps listed on the microsoft site, hell I even called up customer service in hopes of recessitating my mistress. On the other end of the line, some robotic voice calling itself "Max" assured me that he was going to help me with my problem. All I had to do was "say it," [meaning tell Max what was causing me so much trouble] and he was going to "fix it." Thus began the first threesome I had ever been in.
Max toyed with my affections. He sounded so full of hope and energy, he actually made me believe he was going to impart to me some piece of knowledge which would revive my mistress and we could go on with the evenings activities. But after 5 minutes of foreplay Max started to sound less and less enthusiastic. As I would attempt to follow his instructions, he would prompt me to let him know if it was working for me or not. Finally, Max was tired of the whole rendezvous. He let me know he was going to pull out, but he was going to hook me up with someone new that was going pick up where he left off. It left a sour taste in my mouth, but I went with it. My mistress had become so cold to me that I would try anything to bring her back.
So I waited. I waited for the next available customer representative for 5 minutes, and the a strange thing happened. A voice from my not so distant past called out to me. It was Max. Was he back for more? Had he learned the value of my time and attention? No. He was bitter and brutal. Max told me I would have to get off the line and call back during business hours and hung up on me.
[cue the black backdrop, bright, single spotlight, and sad violin music]
My mistress lay before me on the floor, cold and motionless. My late night tryst with Max left me frustrated and completely unsatisfied. Adding fuel to the fire, I had games lined up to review yet on the platform, with no store near buy with a suitable replacement. It would be heresy to just replace my mistress with any old broad off the street. No! If I was to let another assume her position, it would have to be one that was special and superior in more than one way. It would have to be an elite system, and none were to be found in my area.
I was left all alone. I will keep you updated as I find the will to write.
That's it. Having a mistress at your beck and call as opposed to one you have to share is better than having no mistress at all... so you pedal your ass over to the nearest Worst Buy and whip it out [your credit card, of course] faster than Barry Allen jumps into his snazzy red suit and head home to entangle yourself in the arms of your new mistress for hours on end. You turn her on and get her started... hitting all her buttons kinda clumsily at first, but eventually you know just what buttons to hit and at just the right times to tap them. Indeed, you have found pure bliss and all is right with the world.
Or at least it was until the night my XB360 FRAGED me. And that bitch fragged me hard... sans lube!I was fixin' to put a hurtin' on Guitar Hero 2 as I had been doing for a few weeks now when all of a sudden my screen froze. Then the light show started... flashes of red and green appeared before my eyes bringing with them the end of my torrid affair with the Xbox 360. I tried every step imaginable to fix my system. I attempted all of the troubleshooting steps listed on the microsoft site, hell I even called up customer service in hopes of recessitating my mistress. On the other end of the line, some robotic voice calling itself "Max" assured me that he was going to help me with my problem. All I had to do was "say it," [meaning tell Max what was causing me so much trouble] and he was going to "fix it." Thus began the first threesome I had ever been in.
Max toyed with my affections. He sounded so full of hope and energy, he actually made me believe he was going to impart to me some piece of knowledge which would revive my mistress and we could go on with the evenings activities. But after 5 minutes of foreplay Max started to sound less and less enthusiastic. As I would attempt to follow his instructions, he would prompt me to let him know if it was working for me or not. Finally, Max was tired of the whole rendezvous. He let me know he was going to pull out, but he was going to hook me up with someone new that was going pick up where he left off. It left a sour taste in my mouth, but I went with it. My mistress had become so cold to me that I would try anything to bring her back.
So I waited. I waited for the next available customer representative for 5 minutes, and the a strange thing happened. A voice from my not so distant past called out to me. It was Max. Was he back for more? Had he learned the value of my time and attention? No. He was bitter and brutal. Max told me I would have to get off the line and call back during business hours and hung up on me.
[cue the black backdrop, bright, single spotlight, and sad violin music]
My mistress lay before me on the floor, cold and motionless. My late night tryst with Max left me frustrated and completely unsatisfied. Adding fuel to the fire, I had games lined up to review yet on the platform, with no store near buy with a suitable replacement. It would be heresy to just replace my mistress with any old broad off the street. No! If I was to let another assume her position, it would have to be one that was special and superior in more than one way. It would have to be an elite system, and none were to be found in my area.
I was left all alone. I will keep you updated as I find the will to write.
Labels: Fragged, Frustration, Ninjasistah, Videogames, XBox-360
Day one with the brand spankin' new PS3 is about done and I have a few things that warrant mentioning.
