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Ted's Gone, But His Tubes Remain

Ted Stevens is gone, but his tubes yet remain. Pictured here are the tubes that exclusively carried MP3 audio files.

You didn't think we would let Ted Stevens off easy, did you? Anyone who could speak the immortal lines that the internet is a series of tubes (not a big truck!) deserves a parting shot.

In case you hadn't heard, Stevens, a former U.S. senator from Alaska, died in an airplane crash last night. He is most famous among tech geeks for the words he spoke in 2006 on the Senate floor in criticism of an amendment to an internet bill before Congress. Stevens, speaking on behalf of providers such as Verizon and AT&T, defended his opposition to net neutrality, saying:

Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I just the other day got...an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it yesterday [Tuesday]. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially....

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Well, Ted is gone now, and will likely get loaded into his own tube and carried on a big truck to be buried in some little section of the oil-saturated frozen tundra next to a moose that was shot from a helicopter by Sarah Palin.

At least I didn't mention that Bridge to Nowhere.

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Born at a very young age with no foreknowledge of the event.